Had a fun time yesterday. Don't remember everything though.. Now I'm back on the couch with a headache. My punishment for getting drunk. Don't think I did anything crazy so that's good. My sister said: come back after. That was probably for the best. Being confronted with an empty house that screams his name when [...]
After some wine and feeling the right moment I told my sister and her bf what I do for a living. They took it well. Such a relieve to have said it. This is from monday ..
It's weird, how busy the spring and summer was.. Had all this energy and suddenly all I did the last few days was move from the couch to the bed and back. Not taking care of anything. Binch watched two seasons of American Horror Story, distracting my mind and feeling dead inside. Tonight I'll go [...]
Found this song that I saved to listen to as a reminder. For when I'm starting to lose myself again. When summer comes, or an obsession, or love, or just chemicals in my brain making me hyponanic. I'm not sure exactly what it is that makes me leave. All I know is that I don't [...]
So I've been watching this confronting tv-show today. Of people going entirely overboard with their looks and using it as a mask. A way to protect themselves. That's nothing new to me obviously. If I look to the facts, like having starved myself to 36kg a few years ago and being covered with scars it [...]
Finally had a fun shoot again. More creative and kinky in a fun way, not in a porny way. It was difficult to do this through deep feelings of depression. It's difficult to do photoshoots when you feel disgusted by yourself. In the beginning I had serieus black outs and almost bursted out in panic [...]
Doing my make up now for a shoot. The way I should do my make up is not my choice this time, neither is the rest of my look for the shoot and it's killing me because before I was even a model I was an artist. I'm in the first place an artist, not [...]