Haven’t written anything in a while 🙂 Have been a bit busy with life, which is actually a good thing. A few things have changed and there are also many changes ahead of me. At times this stresses me out a lot but when I’m trying to accept and welcome the changes it gets easier.
Finally I’m getting a bit used to having my partners kids over for the weekend, sometimes it’s difficult because it’s a bit crowded in my appartment. I get easily overwhelmed.
After waiting for about 9 weeks we finally picked up Miltos from the airport. Our new cat friend! He’s also very sensitive so now I’m not alone in this anymore, which helps. Sometimes everything is too much but Millie loves to cuddle and he really helps me to get out of my mind while I enjoy petting him. He loves belly rubs, which is super cute. What I learned from him already is that it is okay to take time to be alone when I need it. I’ve never had such a good connection with any animal and it feels like we’re really good friends already. Like he’s meant to be here.
Aside from taking care of my plants and cleaning my home I’m spending more time in the kitchen lately, having some fun baking mostly healthy sweets.
What’s mostly on my mind lately is that within a few years, we will have to move out. Because of the situation with the owner of my appartment and the fact that she let’s this home slowly fall to pieces instead of helping me fix things. Also more room for the kids would be really nice.
Anyway, I’ve got some dreams for the next few years. I could write a lot about how crappy some things about this situation are but that doesn’t help, so I rather stick to focusing on my dreams or plans for the next couple of years.
Which basically is: going back to basic. Which means that I will go into therapy again within the next two years. In the mean time moving away from the city isn’t wise but eventually we’ll probably have to because renting a place where we live now is even more expensive than living in Amsterdam, which is also insanely expensive.. since I rent from family I’m safe right now but this will change soon.
I wouldn’t mind moving to the country side or at least further away from the city. It’s not like I see my family or friends often anyway. Which is something I don’t mind ‘cause I’m a loner who loves to stay at home.. but I’d love a little bit more space because of that, with the kids visiting it’s too much. And I’d love to have a (little) garden so Miltos can go outside and I don’t have to be inside or on my tiny balcony to stay in my own safe place.
Another dream of mine that is about going back to my roots is living by the wheel of the year again. To celebrate the sabbats and esbats again, nothing extreme.. just me being solitary working in and around the house or being there for those close to me who seek help. No coven or anything too formal, that’s not me. Putting the intension into the things that I already do, when I clean the house.. I clear my mind.. When I’m baking I am being creative, nurturing others and myself and sharing happiness 🙂 Most of my intensions I focus through taking care of my plants 🙂
Anyway I’d love to grow a nurturing vegetable and herb garden. Like I started on the balcony. Aside from baking I’d like to make my own herbal remedies again.
An impression of my dreams I share on arienh-autumn on tumblr.
Sadly enough, the stress from having to move out made it impossible for me to get into a little mindset. I’m starting to feel older in general but maybe it’s just me trying to settle down and create my own piece of heaven. I don’t mean getting married and have kids btw.. I’m too mentally fucked up for that anyway. Like I said, going back to basics, adding routine and move out of the rush of hectic city life.
I might be writing sometimes about little steps towards living my dreams. The photo’s are an impression of how it’s going so far. Xx