Today is a bit of a self care post.. because the moodswings and triggers have been challenging lately. Especially in contact with people.
Yesterday a customer at the store just ripped my heart out with one sentense.. and we had the most awkward and intense argument after that. Followed by an intense awkward silence, I could barely look at her face so weird was the situation. I was working alone during my whole shift and everyone was busy so I just couldn’t talk to anyone about it.
Sometimes I imagine people to be very mean but this time it clearly wasn’t my imagination and she really had an argument with me, not about something concerning a product or the store.. Anyway, I emotionally imploded. There were so many things that I could have, would have said if I wasn’t stuck at work behind that counter. Not even mean things, but I just really didn’t share her opinion and it wasn’t my place to tell her my point of view. Eugh.. And that woman just walked on while I’m sitting there with no posible way to ventilate what’s going through me, trying really hard not to burst into tears and keep on working at the same time. It was so intense I kept going over it in my mind on a loop to figure out what the hell just had happened. Then after work I just numbed out completely. I told Daddy and my jobcoach about it.
Even thinking about it now makes me angry again. It makes me really dislike people and that’s an understatement. For so many reasons: eeeuww.. people…. euhwl.. society.. Because how people can treat me, simply because I’m different, I have no words for it. And that says a lot 😉
So today I’m home alone after going to the city with Daddy this morning. The weather sucks a bit today so I’m just really enjoying the coziness of my home! 🙂 Eventhough I’m alone all afternoon and evening. Good practice for the weekend.. Daddy is gone the whole weekend!! *weeps*
So this is a bit of what my self care recipe looks like.. The adulting edition.. because self care in little space looks quite different, being in little space is just a lot less fun when I’m not with Daddy..
Made a lot of warm comforting tea.. The pot is new, it has a hotplate under it which is great because now I can just pour hot tea all day and I don’t forget to drink enough, yay! And… Avocado’s! ‘Cause I believe that somehow those make me feel happy.. underneath there’s a book about herbs that I’ve been reading and a lot of little bags with seeds 🙂 This morning I also found the little lime tree that was neglected at the store so I took it home to give it some love 🙂 It’s so cute!
In autumn I’m doing this a lot more often but with more blankets and candles already burning early. While watching Harry Potter or a Ghibli movie.. but now I just put the music on:
During the afternoon I’ve been repotting some of my seedlings that were big enough to go to little pots. Some of the plantlets were ready for the balcony 🙂 It makes me happy when the plants are big enough and not that fragile anymore. I’ve planted some new coriander seeds, for Daddy actually because I got the gene that makes coriander taste like soap, iewlll! But anyway I like to work with plants so that’s my part of the fun 🙂 I could’ve planted more different seeds but I didn’t feel like it.
Like I said.. it was cold outside, so I just used the kitchen floor. Yes I have a yellow kitchen, a really old one actually as you can see at those tiles but actually I really like it 🙂 Didn’t make that much of a mess anyway :3
And now it’s time for dinner! Yesterday I made bobotie, by myself 😀 because Daddy was working and I’ve got leftovers for today. Actually it feels really good that I made dinner by myself for a change. It would be great if I kept doing that whenever Daddy has the night shift.. Oh well there’s something to work on then 😛
Oh! I just remember that I got the second episode of the old Midsummer Murders duo episodes left to watch 😛 I really like old tv shows like that. Everyone is so very Brittisch, so idyllic.. and then everyone gets murdered 😛 but you never really see anything scary..
Yesterday I watched a movie which was freaky in a fun way, not scary though. It was called Orphan. It was cool because the lead role was a very strange but sweet little kid, who eventually turns out to be a psychiatric patiënt with a growth disorder who actually is 33 instead of 9.. and just kills her foster family when her new daddy doesn’t want to be with her 😛 That was so cool! The idea more than the movie itself though but whatever..