Don’t know what I’m feeling right now..
Yesterday I worked til 19:00 instead of 17:00 and I was so exhausted and overwhelmed I felt horrible. It made me so angry and paranoia. The kids are here since yesterday afternoon. I spend most of the time in the bedroom yesterday after work.
This morning went well but now I’m back in the bedroom again. Can’t sleep but too drained to do anything.
I can’t be little to relax when the kids are here so that’s probably also making me very tense.
They are sweet though but it makes me so aware of the fact that I’ll probably will never be able to have a family of my own. I’m just too sensitive and disturbed to be a parent.
Borderline makes me so tired all the time. Because I keep it all in and if I don’t then I’m not a good influence on the kids.. or I need to behave myself. I’m so fucking tired, trying to be more normal. Trying to fit in. Don’t act out. Don’t be paranoia.. Fine I’ll just won’t be me. Just wish I could sleep.