Although Daddy said that today is a resting day in between working out, this morning Daddy and I ran outside. He said to activate the body and then he made breakfast for us 🙂 It was so much fun because the weather was good. It felt a bit like playing too. We took some time to rest afterwards but mainly it was just fucking basically 😛 Which felt better too because all my muscles were awake and tightening up so it was quite intense, loud and primal 😛 haha. Can’t wait until I’m like really fit 🙂
Think it will be good for little space as well because I’ll feel fitter, more active and younger physically. I’ll be able to play more 🙂
What I like most of all is that Daddy and I found a new way to connect. Actually I just gave him control by saying: please help me. We are spending more quality time together. He helps me with the training. All I want to do is mindlessly do whatever he says and I’ve noticed that I trust him completely with this. The only thing I have to do is tell him what I’m feeling in my body if I notice somethings really different.. Like when I’m in bondage, I just tell what I sense in my body. I don’t want to know all the exercises before hand, that would only cause a lot of noise (read: thoughts) that distracts me from being in the moment. I just do what Daddy tells me to do and that’s it 🙂
I’ve noticed that I feel my body more now. I don’t mean a lot of muscle ache or something like that. It’s just feeling like I’m in my body. I’m feeling less disconnected, like I used to. I was in my head all the time and that’s probably also the reason why I didn’t feel any signals like hunger. Which made me forget to eat and so I was always that skinny without feeling horrible physically. Also I’d have sex without feeling anything, that’s different too now 🙂 Actually being with Daddy made me feel pleasure for myself too. So I wasn’t just having sex for other reasons anymore or just for someone else. It feels like my body is finally waking up. Also I’m drinking more water during the day.. that’s something I’m doing by myself. It feels like my body is detoxifying itself now. I hope my skin will become more healthy and radiant because of that, skincare really is an inside job.. that’s something I always forgot about.
Daddy is going to help me work out and so he can shape my body to his preference and I really love that 🙂 He feeds me and takes care of me. While I’m doing the chores at home which fits my submissive nature very well 🙂 Aside from always giving him access to my body.. but that is nothing new 😛
The fun thing is that it’s almost like were growing into a bit of a 24/7 lifestyle without putting the focus on kink at all.. and that’s good, I don’t want to focus on it, that would feel forced and our natural behavior is so beautifully pure right now. I wouldn’t want to ruin that. I think it helps that we went out of the scene.. at least it helps me a lot! If only because I’m not feeling like I have to do all these things that other people are doing.. of course you can feel inspired but in the scene there is an overload of impulses and also everyone has something to say about what everyone is doing or not doing.. It’s all noise! Noise that makes it impossible for me to sense my natural, pure self.
We’re just being ourselves and it’s like all the pieces fall together perfectly. There isn’t anything really strict about it. No strict list of rules or anything formal. The rules are just forming by itself, like a way of living. I’m just a little submissive and he is my Daddy, always 🙂 Not only when we’re clearly playing. It’s a knowing deep inside of me. Like this feeling of knowing him from the moment we met. I sensed his energy, made the connection without even knowing who he was and gave in completely. It was so pure it fills me with butterflies everytime I think about it. I could cry from happiness right now..
Also I don’t feel like being submissive to anyone else anymore, unless Daddy tells me so, which means I am still listening to Daddy 😛 I know that if he senses that we want someone to join us in a way and that we’re both ready to share such an experience together, he will make it happen. Daddy doesn’t have to demand things of me.. like some strict Master. That doesn’t really do me much actually. You cannot force respect, you have to earn it. I’ll do what he says anyway, although I can be a bit bratty at first and say no.. That’s part of the fun sometimes too 🙂 If I would listen perfectly always then it would become so boring. Also.. when he’s not there I will remember what he told me and do what he said anyway.. I think he knows.. If he’s strict when I’m bratty then I’d listen in no time, because I trust that him and respect him. I just like to be a bit bratty so he will correct me, which makes me feel safe because then I know he’s with me. Being submissive doesn’t mean that you may not show that you don’t want to do something, it also doesn’t mean that you may never say no. That’s such a misconception! Some ‘Doms’ use that against ‘new’ subs.. that’s so awefull! Anyway, that’s usually how it goes when I say no at first 😛 but for most of the time I do what he says without thinking about it.. because it’s in my nature and it makes me feel happy and comfortable in my skin. Usually when I feel bratty I don’t feel so good or there’s something bothering me and I just need to feel safe.
Being a submissive, to me, isn’t about always listening immediatly.. until you’re losing yourself.. At least that’s what happens to me when I’m giving up control every minute of the day. I’ve been there.. It was quite dangerous – not in a fun way. It’s a fantasy.. to be limitless.. but in reality it can lead to an unhealthy dynamic. To me kink is more about putting the focus on connecting and growing closer to each other through being in a relationship in which one side is leading and the other has chosen to follow the lead.
By giving Daddy the outlines, he can color me in the way he likes 🙂 I think that by staying in this natural flow we are bringing out the best in each other 🙂 while having a lot of fun! It feels like falling for each other again and again.. My submissiveness is my way of expressing my love to Daddy and his care for me is him loving me 🙂
Daddy is working right now and not home until close to midnight. So I’m going to take care of myself for the rest of the day. Also I’m going to a friend after dinner who enjoys building something kinky for me. He’s working out some ideas that we had. We have to measure a few things so he can work on the next step. After those last adjustments we can take it back to my place, where I’ll finish it up by giving it my little touch 😉
I just connected with my feelings when I felt such deep love for my Daddy that I almost cried but now I’m in tune with a very deep sadness and some fears, which is a bit difficult.. but I think it’s good that I feel what’s underneath that emptiness.. It’s scaring me though.. but I’m not doing anything about it to make it go away.