Today was so much better than yesterday! 🙂
My last few writings were sooo heavy again. That depressive mood that I only recognize when I’m getting out of it a little bit. I look over my shoulder like, wowww.. Just all that heavy energy.. Don’t know how to describe it in a different way. It feels to me like being tired a lot and no interest in doing anything but it’s so normal now that I kind of do the things I have to do but for the rest of the time I’m just lying somewhere in my home doing nothing but feeling miserable.
Yesterday I felt so horrible in my skin I said to Daddy, can you please help me work out or something? I’m disgusted with myself.. Then when he came home he asked me again and I said.. no.. Because I don’t feel like doing anything..
But this morning I went to the gym with Daddy 🙂 There is this thing about my borderline mind that I used it’s this mindset on a loop: ‘I want to be with Daddy, I want to be with Daddy, I want to be with Daddy’. That’s what I’ve been keeping on a loop while being at the gym as well.
Just did what Daddy did, he helped me with my posture, which is what I have to learn first – he didn’t let me use much weight because being active and having a good time is more important now than being drilled.
Lol going to the gym, doing what Daddy does made me think of Chobits, it’s an anime I used to watch when I was a kid.
When I’m only thinking about being with Daddy, I am not focusing on how I feel or those negative thoughts, that only makes me so self aware and down that I don’t want to do anything. I mean, I’m a little gummy bear…with pudding muscles.. so the gym is a bit scary for me but I just told Daddy that it’s scary for me and that helped 🙂
At work I was really energetic but I tried to keep calm a bit because I tend to start running and tire myself out in no time. Which I didn’t do today! 😀
In the afternoon I was upset about some things that confused me, it wasn’t about work and I didn’t know what to do. But I tried to leave it for later. Also I fixed a few important things at work so that is good 🙂
The work out this morning made my mind more focused, I had more energy and I felt better about myself.. I felt lighter.. everything was just a bit easier.. physically, emotionally and in contact with other people I felt more stable. I wasn’t triggered by everything.
I’m home alone since work because Daddy has the evening shift.. but he prepared dinner for me and reminded me so I didn’t forget to eat. And I did all the chores after work 🙂
Just took some time for singing as well.. I feel insecure about it so I stopped for now but at least I had some fun, doing something instead of being fedged out on the couch..
Will do that later.. but this time want to get comfy and feel like a Ghibli movie 🙂 Yes. Ghibli is a feeling..