Impression of dissociation

Just came across some photos that are looking a lot like how I experience the world when I am in a dissociative state. So I thought I’d share:

This is more like.. everything feeling unreal. So that’s why it is easy for me to believe that we are not living in the world that we think we are living in. It’s easy to believe in some sort of matrix.. or as if everything only is happening inside my own mind. That nothing is real.
This is how I experienced Amsterdam when I was going through a really intense crisis a few months ago, clearly including intense dissociation.
I think that, going into nature would be calming when dissociating.. I mean.. this actually looks really pretty and less disturbing..
This one is pretty intense too… and the feelings that go with this kind of mindset are really intense and disturbing to me.
This photo is also really how I can percieve the world when dissociating.. I mean everything is blurry, I’m feeling blurry.. at times I’ve been unable to walk straight, it’s like I’m stumbling through and everything goes way too fast or I am just very slow.. It can feel dreamy but in a heavy kind of way..

4 reacties op ‘Impression of dissociation

  1. I am diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. Everybody has different experiences, I do not recognize this. In dissociation, if remembered by ‘me’, the world remains clear for me, but all my feelings are change, the objects of interest are changed, and how I would like to behave, live is completely different… sometimes I’m aware of it… etc. In de-realization, a custom environment that I ‘m familiar with for many years like my living room might suddenly appear completely new, as if I never saw it before. But in my experiences, it has always been clear, not blurry or hazy. So these images are very interesting, thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 persoon

    1. The way people dissociate are very different. Also I am not diagnosed with DID but with Borderline Personality Disorder. Some symptoms overlap but there are also a lot of differences. I do know what it’s like to really feel different, have other interests.. like my identity has changed. That’s coming from identity disturbance in BPD and after a long time of going away from myself I kind of wake up after weeks or months as if I was dissociating or like I got out of a hypomanic state but the psychiatrist said that it’s an extreme identity disturbance causing me to disconnect. Usually during these periods I’m convinced I don’t have borderline but when I “wake up” I really fall into a borderline depression and start to dissociate (like described in the writing) a lot. Usually under stress.

      Also when trauma is triggered and I age regres emotionally and experience my triggered feelings as if they are coming from an experience at the time.. I can freeze up completely physically, mentally I am aware and locked up inside. Or I fade out mentally as well. What also can happen is that I become like a child or another kind of identity as self protection. But it’s all part of the identity disturbance in BPD.

      Liked by 1 persoon

      1. Your story sounds a lot as DID to me – like change in identity- , but I know there is an overlap in DID and BPD and both diagnoses often are given in combination for the symptoms. Like you say symptoms can vary a lot and every case is different. It’s very special to capture feelings and experiences in images, to express and share them, which could give others insight in what you experience. Thank you for sharing this together with your story,- awareness of other people’s suffering and problems is very important, I hope you do well and stay strong!, Kind regards, Jimmy

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