Last evening my Daddy and I visited our friend from my bukkake party, who I for the fun of it and his privacy will call my uncle R. 😉 Daddy and I had been thinking for some time about letting someone else look after me, with my Daddy present in the first place but maybe without at some point as well. Depending on our connection.
Though we are monogamous, we are sluts.. we are sexually polyamorous or at least we think that we are and feel like exploring this a bit together, when it feels right. I say ‘we think that we are’ because having a fantasy is different than actually doing it. Reality comes with all sort of feelings, thoughts and because of that it can be a challenge. Especially when my borderline comes crashing from around the corner.. :S
You got to be honest and carefull with yourself and eachother. Exploring this, to me, is a process that should bring us closer together. As long as that is the case then well, enjoy the fun 🙂 But for now it’s just little steps, a lot of talking in an open, honest and respectfull way and giving each other as much time as needed to think about it all, process feelings, talk about what is happening inside and keep making the connection.
My bukkake party is where my Daddy and I met each other, that says enough about our interests. I also met R. there, who I also kept contact with, we planned to go on a little date sometime and I still want that but then my Daddy and I got closer and now that we really are together and living together.. we wanted all our fantasies to fit in our dynamic. With all this the most important thing is that you feel that it clicks somehow, that everyone feels comfortable and this time it just feels right.
What was most important to me is that I felt connected with my Daddy, that he was with me. I wouldn’t want to go on a date with someone else without him present or without feeling really connected to him during the event, because he set it up for me.. or in another way.
In my past relationship it was different, when my ex and I went to see another Dom it felt uncomfortable in a way. That’s when I wanted to separate myself and then it just all goes into the wrong direction. There was a sence of not being able to communicate, misunderstanding each other, a sense of secrecy because of that disconnection.. but now I think that those experiences were such important lessons for me to learn, so I know what to watch out for.
Now it is the opposite, I need to feel connected and I’m checking in with my Daddy all the time. It started after work when I was dressing up and let Daddy help me decide on what to wear, asking him for advice and after that he helped me with my hair.. when I want to make pig tails I always separate my hair in a rather messy way because I just can’t see what I’m doing. Before we even went away from home it was already fun 🙂
Then I stuffed my backpack with stuffed animals.. I brought Pluisje because if I get overwhelmed then I like to cuddle with my bunny and I also took Monster with me because he’s a bit scary and protects me.. mostly against dissociation or when my body hurts. I don’t know why that works this way for me..
Anyway.. we didn’t really plan anything for the night. Just decided to meet and talk about this idea or have some fun as well if we felt comfy enough. It was so much fun to see my uncle again, he gave me a big hug, making me feel really small.. I think he’s like half a meter taller than me. Then Daddy and I fell in love with a really cute and fluffy ragdoll cat.. I asked Daddy if we can have a cat like that too.. he said that maybe we will get one :3 Yayyyy! We also met R’s girlfriend, she’s also very sweet and really pure 🙂
Actually most of the time I’ve been very silent, I’m a bit of a shy observer because I easily feel awkward in contact with people. I’m more of a one-to-one kind of girl. Eventhough I feel that I can trust people.. it’s not really about that I think. Even when I’m with my family I often become quiet.. when I do say something I often feel awkward and also afterwards there are a lot of voices in my head. So I just listen and observe most of the time.
Later on I was together with my Daddy and uncle and became really shy, my cheeks were glowing. I felt a bit out of myself because I was nervous but later on that faded a little bit. It’s just such a long time that I did anything slutty like this and it’s the first time that I’m doing this with my Daddy and the first time after everything that happened during the summer. Luckely I didn’t completely dissociate. It wasn’t a negative experience because I trust both of them and I could set the pace.
There’s probably a lot going on inside me, about how I feel about myself when I do this and if I’m not carefull I can start to dissociate and split on myself or others and in any case.. get into that borderline mindset. But so far it all went well because of connecting, communication and time.
First Daddy let me play with my uncle. I was slowly exploring with some guidance. I was looking at my Daddy a lot to see if it was alright and also just.. feeling, observing what went through me. I was obviously excited but my shyness held me back a little, which was alright. It was really different then my bukkake party.. then I went all out, almost limitless. But both were very pure experiences. When I get so nervous and excited I just stop thinking, no.. I just can’t think anymore. I stop producing any logic thoughts. I can’t answer simple questions anymore.. 🙂
Although Daddy’s cock is my favorite cock in my world, my uncle has the biggest cock I’ve ever seen.. I mean.. beating the porn guys I filmed with.. Both, in different ways, making me feel sooo good :3 The weird thing was.. that although I’m really tiny he actually did fit inside of me entirely. I felt completely stuffed, like my stuffed animals 😛 It made me really happy to be of use.. and I really like to please. And I absolutely love to make my Daddy proud! 🙂 He looked so happy when my uncle was using me. Later when my Daddy was fucking me, R. put his hands on my head and helped me to let my thoughts go. I love it when my mind is empty, when I can just be. When I’m a mindless fuck doll, I can just be in the moment 🙂 R. gave me a whole lot of cum, which to me always feels like a reward.
Afterwards I thanked my Daddy and my uncle and I was really sleepy.. I sat in the back of the car on the way home and almost fell asleep cuddling my stuffies while listening to massive attack and portishead. We all decided that we wanted to explore this some more another time. When we were home I took a really warm shower and jumped into bed with Daddy. I had a little bit of a tummy ache but not in a bad way.. more in a ‘just-been-used’ kind of way.. Which felt good but also triggered me a little bit.. but I handled it really well. Nothing had happened so I just made myself as comfortable as possible and hugged Daddy to sleep.
The thing that I need to get comfortable with mostly is my own sluttiness I think.. after all that has happened in my life and then there is last summer. How to fit everything inside of me in a healthy way instead of breaking into pieces letting my identity disorder take me apart.. I hope everything will go more smooth from now on. Last night I was being a slutty girl but I was still kind of blocking a part of me.. It’s hard to explain.. I don’t know what is healthy or what’s good.
Today Daddy had to go away for an important family meeting. We decided that next time we want to spend some time together after going on a playdate like this.. something to remember for next time. Luckely I’ve got the whole day off.. Time to do nothing! 🙂