Haven’t been writing in a few days. Been quite busy and also enjoying time with my fp, who I see more often now that we are living together. This weekend I’m at my mom for a few days. We celebrated her birthday last night and I’m sticking around a little longer.
During last week I’ve had a peak in my blog views.. I’m wondering who uploaded some content of me online without letting me know 😛 Usually that’s when people start searching and find my blog.
Anyway.. what I can write mostly about for this past week is that I’ve been age regressing a lot! Not really at the store of course, besides wearing my pig tails and braids. Oh, I catched a bird who flew into the store to look for some bread crumbs. Picked it up and put it outside. It came back a little while later and sat down somewhere really high so I couldn’t reach him. With the end of a broomstick I started ticking on the steel bar he was sitting on. It just flew away.. why I wrote all that is because some idiot laughed and he said: “strike it dead!”. Glad for him that I didn’t see his face, I only heared his voice and that was already too much. I was so furious but most of all really sad… Luckely it didn’t desturb my work and I could let it go but still.. Luckely there were some cool people at the store too. Saw a couple from a munch I’ve went to a few times but recognized them later when they were already gone. I’m sooo out of the scene..
This week I recieved an email from a magazine to give an interview about my brand.. about ‘Arienh’.. still have to look at the questions.
At home I’ve been chilling with Daddy most of the time. Last wednesday he gave me my first little story book, he’s reading to me sometimes now. It’s super fun! The book is about Floddertje, a girl that always gets dirty.. she has a little dog called Smeerkees 🙂 It’s really cool!
On thursday I made a really big play space of my couch, with blankets and pillows 🙂 This weekend I’m taking my old play blanket home that my grandmother made. I slept under it last night too 🙂
Some other little stuff came in the mail last thursday. I wanted to try out something new but sometimes it’s difficult for me to age regres further because it’s such a weird thing. I’m so glad that my Daddy is really supportive and likes to experiment with me and comes with ideas like the little reading book.
The feelings and mindset of being little aren’t new to me, they were probably always there inside me… but to open up about these feelings and express them can be difficult. There can be a lot of shame involved. In the past, like many other kinksters, I’ve also been misunderstood, rejected and stuff like that because of a fetish or kink. Amazing things can happen when you find someone who is into exploring or is into the same kinks so you can really explore together.
I’ve been with people who said: you can be yourself.. but when I was exploring myself.. including those kinks, my experiments were not accepted. So that creates a really painfull situation. Now it’s not like that anymore but I’m always carefull preparing for the moment I go too far and get that really upset response again. Although, I don’t think, with my head… that it will happen in the relationship I’m in right now. It’s a feeling so horrible that it’s always remembered, It makes me, and other people too I think.., afraid of being rejected because of their kinks or even interest in experimenting with it. Because often you try something new that seemed interesting but in the end didn’t feel right.. but being able to find out what you like is part of the fun.
In the past I’ve been trying to explore little space on my own, while being in a relationship, which made me feel super lonely and misunderstood. What is kink if you do it alone? It’s all about the connection you have together but clearly it wasn’t there. Everything starts with trust. But if you are not open to other people’s kinks, because you don’t understand it.. well that’s not a really good foundation to build something on that feels safe. There has to be a base of respect and trust. If it isn’t there or broken.. then there is not much to go on.
It seems like my Daddy and I are on the same page and the base to build on is there so now we are happily experimenting and seem to grow into it. Or grow into ourselves? Because eventually that is all that this is about. Exploring yourself through the dynamic you have with each other. Like in a normal relationship but deeper and more intense.
I was just thinking, what do I personally get out of being little. Well first of all.. I think that if I feel safe and relaxed, then the way I feel and express myself is just younger than my age. My Daddy kind of creates this safe place for me by being my Daddy and being there for me. So I can just let go of all the worries that I have as an adult and park them for a while. Because when I’stressed, don’t feel good or feel unsafe then I can’t be little, even if I wanted to.
Being little mostly means that I’m being the most pure version of myself. When I’m happy I express this impulsively and in a very enthousiastic way, without thinking of what others think of my reaction. It’s also that childlike wonder that is just there. Also I’m just very sensitive, always. When I’m feeling little I can easily feel emotions and let them be there, express them and deal with them in a healthy way. Because I feel more when I’m little I can connect with my Daddy so well. Normally I’m more distant with people in general. People call me reserved. Little space really helps with that although I;m still shy at times. I rather behave well instead of being bratty. It would be okay for me to be more playfull sometimes, open up more. In little space I’m still triggered but I responde to that with emotion so I’ve been dissociating less lately.
Oh often people who age regress are really about like.. in what age mindset are you.. and stuff like that. For me well, there isn’t really an answer. I think that my age regression is sort of adjusting to the situation. Whatever works.. just use the tools that make you feel comfortable in that safe space. That’s also why I’m not really bothered by using a paci anymore. Sometimes I don’t feel like using one, I just want to go to the playground or something like that. Or I want to do both.. who cares. I’m an adult I can do all of that 😛 I can be comfortable feeling little and use all the tools that make me feel happy and still watch a thriller tv show with my Daddy if I feel like it. Or I can dive into little space when I’m going there with Daddy and be in that mindset and actually go so deep into the zone that I cannot ‘adult’ anymore. Which is quite intense and super fun too. One style is more relaxing and like.. my chill mode and the other is more kinky.
I’ve been on tumblr a little bit less lately but have been on my amazon to like get inspired or something. Will add a link to my blog like I did with tumblr as well.
Then last but not least.. my Daddy has been talking with one of our friends from my bukkake party. Who might be looking after me some time when Daddy is gone but first we are going to meet him to see if it feels good for all of us to try this out 🙂 Which is really cool and exciting 😀
Don’t be fooled by all the pure, cute, little stuff.. I mean it’s real but there is also this dirty slutty side of me 🙂 It’s still there 🙂
Music 🙂 Oh.. I feel like my blog posts are Always so all over the place 😛 I just write my thoughts.. it’s not an article or whatever. Just pure and writing..
PS: wishing my fp could actually adopt me for real.. ❤