Nothingness

Right now I feel lost, empty inside.. like there is nothing to hold in to. There is no core inside of me or at least that is what it feels like. I am alone and it’s not like I am alone with myself and enjoy time for myself, I actually feel alone and there is just nothing. It will be like that for today and tomorrow. That realisation is terrifying because there is nothing to hold on to. I don’t feel inspired, I don’t feel a connection. My home feels as empty as I feel inside. And I’m tired of searching, looking for an answer or myself of something to do about this emptiness. So there isn’t much left besides waiting until it’s over. I think this feeling came up because I’m scared again that people are lying to me or manipulating me or using me. I don’t trust myself and I don’t know what is real. So how can I trust other people, how do I know if it’s real or in my head? I’m tired of trying to figure it. I don’t know what to do and it feels like depression is just waiting around the corner. I feel like I will be left or that I’ll end up leaving because I’m scared. I’m trying hard to stay inside this nothingness because when I feel for a second, the panic stings inside me. That feeling is so overwhelming, I’m not sure if I can handle it.

Well like a descendant, I drifted far, far and wide
Isolation, separation, no where to hide
Maybe there’s somewhere I can go
Where there’s sunshine and the wind won’t blow

Nothingness
All I have to feel is my loneliness
Nothing in the attic ‘cept an empty chest
And nothing lasts forever

Although there are many, I look for no one, no one but me
I search for things that are taking me high and far out of reach
But this is the place I call my home
I live with the lies and the fear all alone

Nothingness
All I have to feel is my loneliness
Nothing in the attic ‘cept an empty chest
And nothing lasts forever

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