Motionless

Don’t think it’s not that bad because I don’t show emotions. Don’t think it probably will be alright because you don’t see a response.

The control I have on my emotions is so extreme that I’ve imprisoned myself. Until I go numb until I’m hollow inside. Who wants to be locked up inside forever? I move away. At times, I barely feel part of life.

I explode inside but my face is motionless. Reserved and holding it all in. Unable to scream, unable to cry. I’m not even a whole being anymore. A piece here. A piece there. One part has the key to unlocking this aspect that holds a singular emotion. Shutting down all other parts of me. That are too sharp to put back together.

I’m sucked back inside myself and held captive there. Watching life pass me by. I’m asleep and tucked in somewhere far away. No one knows I’m reaching out. They only see my doll face. I’m so thoughtfull.. and understanding. The most extreme symptom that I show is the way I fool the world, I’m alright, I’m okay.

Oh fuck I’m starting to see things again

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