Okay, today I will try to write about what happens in the present and see if I can stay in the present while writing. That would be nice for a change.
This morning I woke up with a headache, felt a bit hungover. Yesterday I was alone most of the day and in the evening I went to my favorite Irish pub with a friend. Normally I drink rather slow but I just kind of felt like drinking. Maybe because I’ve had trouble falling a sleep lately. When I drink alcohol at least it can knock me out.
My fp had asked me if I needed him to come over, after the reliving I went through yesterday.. and I was like; no, I can be alone by myself. I can do this. You don’t have to take care of me all the time. Take some time for yourself.. I don’t want to be a burder or bother you.. and all that. Me after some beer: can you come over?? :3 My fp was happy that I asked him to come over. My borderline ass was surprised saying to my friend “he’s happy to see me tonight!” so my friend said: yeah of course he’s happy. Lol! It was really funny. To be surprised about something like that.
So my fp stayed with me and this morning I woke up with a headache and he woke up feeling ill. Normally I’m the one lying on the couch feeling miserable because of whatever is going on in my mind. Having to deal with all kinds of mental struggles and feelings really steals away my energy.. And my fp is often taking care of me when he’s here. It’s a bit like a daddy/little girl dynamic that just comes natural to us.. =) Instead of fp I could write Daddy but I don’t want to give the impression that it’s just a kinky word I like to use.. there is more to our connection than that :3 But now he’s not feeling well so I want to take care of him 🙂
Which is actually good because I have to take care of myself too, in order to be able to take care of him. Even went outside to do grocery shopping by myself, which meant that I had to dress up too. Instead of staying in my comfy indoor clothes all day. Of course I did that too when I went to the pub. It was good to actually go outside and meet a friend. It still feels weird though, to go outside I mean.
It feels good to take care of someone and I spend most of the day doing stuff at home. That I used to like doing before I ended up on the couch day in day out, stuck in a troubled mind. I even did some “occupational therapy” like making ghee. Just staring at slowly bubbling butter. Which meant I had to be patient… and focused because if you’re not alert then you can easily ruin the whole batch of ghee. So the process kind of is relaxing and good to stay in the moment 🙂
I really like the color of ghee, oker is one of my favorite colors. It tastes a bit nuttier than normal butter and it’s really healthy 🙂 especially for people who are vata dosha type, like me. Haha nerd alert..
So I’ve been a little house elf today.. was fun 🙂 and I’m taking care of my fp and doing my own thing most of the time when he’s sleeping but I’m not alone and not lying on the couch all day! It seems to be possible after all.Music: Wires – The Neighbourhood