Happy New Year!

Hey, how is everyone doing? Hope you all had fun holidays and I want to wish you a happy new year and all the best wishes for 2019! Xx ❤

The last few days I’ve spend at home with my favorite person! :3 We did a Harry Potter marathon.. I think the Harry Potter world; books, movies and everything is what I am a fan of mostly, above all other things. And I don’t mean Fantastic Beasts.. Was wearing my nerdy Harry Potter merchandise and everything… We watched the first four movies, now the most fun part starts 😀 We will watch more next time we meet. Now we are apart for a few days.. 😦

Being apart is difficult but necessary because I need time alone sometimes, to not completely melt into my favorite person and lose myself.

Before he left I already started to become silent and a bit closed. I don’t know what it was exactly because my emotions turned all numb, that usually says enough though. Just became a bit uncomfortable not knowing why I behaved in a certain way and I was worried about how it would come across. Just noticed I start to distance myself a little bit and become silent. Maybe to hold in whatever is under that numbness.

When he left I felt really tired. While it was morning.. Sometimes I felt this sensation of panic flowing through me but there was this thick cloud of numbness over it holding it all in. That probably drained all my energy. There was the urge to lifelessly lie on my couch for the rest of the day, so I had to actively do things to make myself feel better.

I could’ve gone in panic mode or lying there numb all day just waiting for him to come back a few days later.. which is a bit unhealthy, been there, done that, didn’t got a t-shirt…. Instead thist time I used the space to clean my home, clear up the mess. Then I spontaniously felt like oiling my wooden desk, it looks more golden and alive now, which I love! Also I have so many ideas for my home to make things feel more ‘me’.. and make it more practical or cozy and niceee.. It already feels really much like home to me again after this summer, just as it is now. But I’m just feeling so creative!! Though it’s probably better not to hurry.. if I stay with myself then there will be a time and place for all that creativity to come out. Best to be patiënt instead of going mental over something and let an obsession eventually block my true creativity again.. Also took the time to text my friends some more and plan fun things to do. For example another shoot with RopeMarks.. yay!

Tomorrow my new freezer will be delivered, looking forward to it! Going to properly stock it for this winter and enjoy food again hopefully. Food was the biggest challenge today, my fp reminded me this morning about some leftovers from yesterday so dinner went well 🙂

Here’s some pictures of today. My favorite person and I went to Episode a few days ago where we found this weird green coat! There are some hoops in it to put a belt through, that will look so pretty! And a few hours ago I got my fake nails removed. So yeah, tiny hands :3 My nails are super sensitive now, got to take good care of them and heal so they will grow back as strong as they used to be.

I’ve got so much more to write about but for now I don’t know yet how to.

Music:

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