This morning my sisters bf and I had coffee at my place until I went to other friends all jumpy on cafeïne. We chilled listening to metal and some old hiphop most of the time. Another friend of mine thought I’d go there to have some rebound fun but actually I would die inside even more trying anything like that. So that’s funny… If I only could.
It’s weekend for me now so I’m coming down hard. Got no life so not much to tell.
Oh, we had a laugh about mushrooms growing in this bathroom, it’s a big building with so many rooms. We could’ve had paddo’s for dinner and space our brains out. Lolz.
I can keep texting and will but there is nothing I can do. Know tomorrow will be hell going to P&G, fuck.
Got back into the life, I’m old here. Roaming the darkness and killing the light.
We did plan new photoshoot idea’s. Looking forward to do the creative underground stuff instead of the work I’ve done before.
In the darkness I know myself. Feeling safe. I need to go a little crazy to stay sane.
Tomorrow a new day will break through and I will spend another day trying not to think about you.
Felt good to be a bit incognito. I got that idenity disturbance going on since I can remember. Got used to the changes now. Bummed some fags today after two years not smoking so that got me stoned and numb. It was the right time to hide from the sun. Rainy autumn days stealing my high. You got me tripping walking the borderline and I’m scribbling, panting, recreating as you tie me in restraints. My mind is leaving and I’m endlessly inventing personalities.
My mind is spacing, heart dying and pain intensifying. I’m self medicating, heart racing. Memories fading inside of me, I’m killing them and burrying thoughts of you with my heart. The last of my love, this is the end. I’m doing what I can to drown you out, scaring, swearing. Bleeding this pain endlessly.
The farther I fall I’m beside you
As lost as I get I will find you
The deeper the wound I’m inside you
For ever and ever I’m a part of
You and me
We’re in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow