I used to think that having flashbacks and all kinds of weird behavior to deal with being abused as a kid was the worst thing. But actually I’ve never been able to have a functional romanic relationship in my whole life, because clearly I am such a horror. Because my post traumatic stress disorder is too difficult to deal with. That everyone just leaves or is so fucking insensitive they don’t notice what is going on and just say that I am too sensitive, weird.. that I am not allowed to lie in bed all day when I am depressed or whatever the fuck.
I only turn colder everytime someone leaves me. I try to hold it all in to spare my partner. Then they want me to open up and it’s all too much. What the hell do you want from me?! I cannot make my past go away and just step over it since my whole personality is grown around my trauma’s. My personality affects every aspect of my life. Even with professional help.
And that’s actually the worst thing. Suffer the rest of my fucking life. Perfect!