My mind is completely taken over by my bimbofication process. My thoughts slip into this single obsession. My work is sex and whatever I earn gets pumped into my expensive transformation. There is always this craving to do more. Striving for perfection. The cravings make me restless. My goals can feel so far away like it will never happen. Sometimes it even frustrates me and brings me down. Which is absolutely the worst attitude and a self fullfilling prophecy. Luckely I love my work so much! Happy to please cocks and recieve cum. That’s when I feel happy and know what all this hard work is for. And all the cum slut kink aside, I just enjoy it when men are relaxed and have a good time with me. Pleasing men is what I love most! Though sometimes it is difficult because not all men are into the same type of girls. Which is confusing me at times.
Lately it is difficult for me to submit to someone dear to me. To anyone actually. But mostly to one person, whoever it is. I strongly feel caged when someone tries to really be deeply intimate with me and I’m not talking about sex. It feels like constantly having to protect my limits. Like I can’t breathe and I just need them to get them off my back. My problem with trusting people has severely grown over the last few months. I rather rely on many different people than just one person because I’m afraid of feeling claimed and trapped. When I notice someone actually trying to claim me in front of others by showing others I’m their girl I see this as a sign of weakness and I immediately distance myself. I won’t let anyone put me in a cage.
Yes, this post is straight from the heart. When I created this blog it was meant to tell the honest truth, so that I’ll do.
The fantasy of becoming a bimbo really became my life. My mind is occupied. Gravitating towards anything pink and sparkly. Always thinking about ways to improve my looks and practising make up or sex skills. Living in my own huge pink bubble.
Away from books, the news, radio and television. For years now, that is nothing new for me. It is not because I do not care, rather care too much.
Instead I travel now. Meeting a lot of new people. For work mostly. Also coming into a new scene where like other industries is a lot of corruption and many people best not to be trusted. Just sharing my gut feeling. Don’t think my silence is me feeling intimidated.. I’m just seeing you through when quietly observing and reading through the lines.
So it’s eighter being captivated by my bimbo obsession or deciding on the right choices to grow further in this scene in a safe and healthy way. My job is definitely fun but not the easiest at all.
Vacation should have made it easier. Like taking a step back but it is a lot to process. All the things I described above.. Which is intense.
Sometimes I need a break but I can’t. There is work to do or the planning of the work. Because it is not like I have a steady income, some weeks are crazy but other weeks it is quiet and I use most time to see my friends again. Though a few have broken contact with me because I’m going through changes and that pink bubble is too much. I miss them. And some others I thought were friends but have rejected me or only contact me when they need something from me. Although that hurts, I still miss those people too.
I’m trying to be balanced and go with the flow. Rest when I can. Get my feet on the ground.
Will keep you posted of course.
No music this time because of jetlag night writings.. eugh.
Wish me luck for tomorrow morning 😛 Can’t wait to see the result of todays shoot!!!!!
On a day off visiting the Empire State Building.
Arienh Xx ❤